especially good at expectorating

[itsthecount]

Who: Villains Club (Count Olaf, Plankton, King Richard and Dan Backslide)
What: Exploring the parks, general assholery
Where: Magic Kingdom
When: post-intro log, pre-job assignments
Warnings: they’re all trashfires

[It doesn’t take long for the group to reconvene after their arrival, and as soon as the park opens, Count Olaf is quick to drag the group there via the monorail. If only because he wishes to survey exactly what the ultimate prize is.

He walks, hands steepled together, taking heed of the rest of the group as he speaks.]

Just think, friends! Soon, every foot of this capitalistic venture and the no-doubt thousands of dollars in profit will be under new management.

[They end up passing by a statue outside a tavern, and he makes a grand gesture towards it.]

Imagine. This statue will soon be of me, and you all be the other smaller man depicted in the statue. As the agreed-upon chain of command dictates.

Comments

[andbegone]

[...Nods thoughtfully.] You make a compelling argument.

[seasonthree]

You know.... if someone were to rip this statue down themselves, would that give them the right to put their own statue in place of the old one?

[Just asking for a friend.]

[itsthecount]

What do you have in mind, exactly?

[dothebackslide]

If you rip it up, you could probably make a PRETTY PENNY from the materials!

[itsthecount]

We would have to find a way to subdue the current acting mayor. No doubt he’d disapprove of us defacing his property.

[andbegone]

It's not like we don't have options. Usurp him. Vote him out of office. Execution is still on the table.

[seasonthree]

Perhaps we could kidnap him? Lock him up?

[itsthecount]

You saw the two cronies that flanked him - he has legions of cult-like followers. Anything less than murder or democratic election will raise ire amongst the people.

[Count Olaf is, I should mention, sipping on LeFou’s Brew from a plastic beer stein adorned with a picture of Gaston. He’s quite taken with it.]

[dothebackslide]

Who would EVER determine it was us?

[seasonthree]

Murder then! We can assassinate him while he sleeps!

[andbegone]

My vote's for democratic election. I mean, come on, we already have the perfect candidate. [He gestures at himself.] And some wonderful underlings to serve as campaign managers. [And then gestures at them.]

[itsthecount]

We’ve established hierarchy, cook. Don’t disturb that.

[andbegone]

That hierarchy was for a theoretical monarchy. This is for a theoretical democracy. It's fair game.

[itsthecount]

What we need to do is push forward a universally-agreed upon candidate, and you are most definitely not the most attractive of us, nor are you the most charismatic, nor are you the most easily-bribed.

[He rolls his eyes.]

All three are essential to politics.

[seasonthree]

How about me? I like to think I'm attractive and charismatic.

[dothebackslide]

He does have a silver fox thing going on that he could ROCK LIKE A DIAMOND!

[andbegone]

[He jabs a finger in Olaf's direction.] I disagree with almost all of those statements. [And then turns grudgingly to glance at Richard.]

...But he is easily bribed.

[itsthecount]

Possible - the facial hair does give him a bit of a nontraditional look. However, what I was thinking was a figurehead.

[seasonthree]

Oh, don't worry, I used to run multiple kingdoms back home.

[seasonthree]

How much do you think we'd get for them?

[dothebackslide]

A pretty penny, weren't you listening.

[seasonthree]

But how much exactly? An approximate number.

[dothebackslide]

A PENNY THAT IS AESTHETICALLY PRETTY!

[itsthecount]

The pressed penny machine is over in the gift shop.

[raised unibrow. points over to the beauty and the beast gift shop.]

[dothebackslide]

There you go, we'd get the worth of a pressed penny. So $2.01, generally.