especially good at expectorating

[itsthecount]

Who: Villains Club (Count Olaf, Plankton, King Richard and Dan Backslide)
What: Exploring the parks, general assholery
Where: Magic Kingdom
When: post-intro log, pre-job assignments
Warnings: they’re all trashfires

[It doesn’t take long for the group to reconvene after their arrival, and as soon as the park opens, Count Olaf is quick to drag the group there via the monorail. If only because he wishes to survey exactly what the ultimate prize is.

He walks, hands steepled together, taking heed of the rest of the group as he speaks.]

Just think, friends! Soon, every foot of this capitalistic venture and the no-doubt thousands of dollars in profit will be under new management.

[They end up passing by a statue outside a tavern, and he makes a grand gesture towards it.]

Imagine. This statue will soon be of me, and you all be the other smaller man depicted in the statue. As the agreed-upon chain of command dictates.

Comments

[seasonthree]

Maybe we should rock-paper-scissors who runs and who's the management team?

[itsthecount]

...yes. That sounds fair.

[andbegone]

Fine. Better than whatever he was planning.

[itsthecount]

Fine.

[Olaf throws up a fist, in natural Rock Paper Scissors position. He seems determined.]

This is it, Sheldon. The game to end all games. The start of your abject humiliation at the hands of me. Your worst nightmare. Your soon. Your - wait, this is the second time you’ve proposed Rock Paper Scissors, Richard.

[seasonthree]

It's a good way to make decisions when there's an argument like this. And it's fun.

[dothebackslide]

Its a FORM OF BATTLE THAT'S BEEN WAGED THROUGHOUT ALL TIME.

[itsthecount]

Really? Not even thumb wrestli - ah, forgot it. I’ll take it.

[andbegone]

Doesn't matter to me! I'd win either way.

[itsthecount]

Whatever.

[assumes the rps position.]

[andbegone]

[he points vaguely at Dan and King Dick before assuming the same stance as Olaf.]

Make sure he doesn't cheat. My victory has to be earned.

[dothebackslide]

IF I'M NOT BRIBED, OKAY!

[seasonthree]

Oh don't worry, I'll be watching like a hawk.

[itsthecount]

Someone do a countdown. We shall go on three.

[...]

-ON- three. Not after three.

[seasonthree]

Here goes!

One...

Two......

Three!

[the battle for who runs for mayor starts now]

[itsthecount]

[aaaannndd

he throws down rock.]

[andbegone]

[he. also throws down rock.]

...Do-over.

[itsthecount]

I threw down rock first. Which means I won. That’s why it’s called rock-paper-scissors, because rock is the first of those three.

[andbegone]

That's not how it works at all. Someone back me up here.

[seasonthree]

The cook's right. It was a tie.

[itsthecount]

[oh my GOD you fucks.]

Fiiiiiinnneee. We’ll do it over.

[and he’s in position again]

[andbegone]

That's what I thought.

[he'd sell Richard to satan for one corn chip but also: thank god for Richard.

he takes the position again, jerking his head in Richard's direction.]

Count us down again.

[seasonthree]

One....

Two......

Three!

[go wild]

[andbegone]

[he tosses down scissors this time, just for the sake of doing something unexpected even though he sorely wants to just choose rock every single time.]

[itsthecount]

[...paper.]

Oh, butterbiscuits. I demand a retry!

[andbegone]

That was a fair victory! You can't retry those, I win.