especially good at expectorating

[itsthecount]

Who: Villains Club (Count Olaf, Plankton, King Richard and Dan Backslide)
What: Exploring the parks, general assholery
Where: Magic Kingdom
When: post-intro log, pre-job assignments
Warnings: they’re all trashfires

[It doesn’t take long for the group to reconvene after their arrival, and as soon as the park opens, Count Olaf is quick to drag the group there via the monorail. If only because he wishes to survey exactly what the ultimate prize is.

He walks, hands steepled together, taking heed of the rest of the group as he speaks.]

Just think, friends! Soon, every foot of this capitalistic venture and the no-doubt thousands of dollars in profit will be under new management.

[They end up passing by a statue outside a tavern, and he makes a grand gesture towards it.]

Imagine. This statue will soon be of me, and you all be the other smaller man depicted in the statue. As the agreed-upon chain of command dictates.

Comments

[seasonthree]

Murder then! We can assassinate him while he sleeps!

[andbegone]

My vote's for democratic election. I mean, come on, we already have the perfect candidate. [He gestures at himself.] And some wonderful underlings to serve as campaign managers. [And then gestures at them.]

[itsthecount]

We’ve established hierarchy, cook. Don’t disturb that.

[andbegone]

That hierarchy was for a theoretical monarchy. This is for a theoretical democracy. It's fair game.

[itsthecount]

What we need to do is push forward a universally-agreed upon candidate, and you are most definitely not the most attractive of us, nor are you the most charismatic, nor are you the most easily-bribed.

[He rolls his eyes.]

All three are essential to politics.

[seasonthree]

How about me? I like to think I'm attractive and charismatic.

[dothebackslide]

He does have a silver fox thing going on that he could ROCK LIKE A DIAMOND!

[andbegone]

[He jabs a finger in Olaf's direction.] I disagree with almost all of those statements. [And then turns grudgingly to glance at Richard.]

...But he is easily bribed.

[itsthecount]

Possible - the facial hair does give him a bit of a nontraditional look. However, what I was thinking was a figurehead.

[seasonthree]

Oh, don't worry, I used to run multiple kingdoms back home.

[andbegone]

Did they elect you, or did you take them by force?

[seasonthree]

Does it even matter?

[andbegone]

...I changed my mind. He's a bad choice.

[itsthecount]

Oh, agreed. Heavily agreed.

[seasonthree]

What did I do? Did I say something wrong?

[itsthecount]

We need someone young. Charismatic! Good looking! All the best candidates have these qualities.

[He stands up in front of the statue, LeFou’s Brew in hand, getting in the way of a family’s photo.]

I nominate MYSELF!

[andbegone]

[He's so unimpressed.]

I thought you said we need someone good looking.

[seasonthree]

......I think he's good looking.

[itsthecount]

I also think I’m good-looking. 2-1 again, except also Daniel is here.

[dothebackslide]

[This is kind of starting to sound like a status quo and Dan thinks that's lame so:]

THEN I NOMINATE THE EYEPATCH BOY!

[andbegone]

See? Daniel agrees with me.

[He guesses they're just. Calling him that now.]

For the record, I also nominate me. 2-2.

[itsthecount]

It appears we have reached an impass, or an unpass, meaning that this is an unacceptable impass.

[andbegone]

You said it yourself, it's a democratic election. Anyone can run, and I will run against you if I have to.

[itsthecount]

Then you will subject yourself to the rules of nature, where the bigger animal takes the smaller animal within it’s claws and devours it.

[a beat.]

For the record, I am the bigger animal, while you are the much...smaller...thing.

[seasonthree]

Maybe we should rock-paper-scissors who runs and who's the management team?