especially good at expectorating

[itsthecount]

Who: Villains Club (Count Olaf, Plankton, King Richard and Dan Backslide)
What: Exploring the parks, general assholery
Where: Magic Kingdom
When: post-intro log, pre-job assignments
Warnings: they’re all trashfires

[It doesn’t take long for the group to reconvene after their arrival, and as soon as the park opens, Count Olaf is quick to drag the group there via the monorail. If only because he wishes to survey exactly what the ultimate prize is.

He walks, hands steepled together, taking heed of the rest of the group as he speaks.]

Just think, friends! Soon, every foot of this capitalistic venture and the no-doubt thousands of dollars in profit will be under new management.

[They end up passing by a statue outside a tavern, and he makes a grand gesture towards it.]

Imagine. This statue will soon be of me, and you all be the other smaller man depicted in the statue. As the agreed-upon chain of command dictates.

Comments

[andbegone]

Did they elect you, or did you take them by force?

[seasonthree]

Does it even matter?

[andbegone]

...I changed my mind. He's a bad choice.

[itsthecount]

Oh, agreed. Heavily agreed.

[seasonthree]

What did I do? Did I say something wrong?

[itsthecount]

We need someone young. Charismatic! Good looking! All the best candidates have these qualities.

[He stands up in front of the statue, LeFou’s Brew in hand, getting in the way of a family’s photo.]

I nominate MYSELF!

[andbegone]

[He's so unimpressed.]

I thought you said we need someone good looking.

[seasonthree]

......I think he's good looking.

[itsthecount]

I also think I’m good-looking. 2-1 again, except also Daniel is here.

[dothebackslide]

[This is kind of starting to sound like a status quo and Dan thinks that's lame so:]

THEN I NOMINATE THE EYEPATCH BOY!

[andbegone]

See? Daniel agrees with me.

[He guesses they're just. Calling him that now.]

For the record, I also nominate me. 2-2.

[itsthecount]

It appears we have reached an impass, or an unpass, meaning that this is an unacceptable impass.

[andbegone]

You said it yourself, it's a democratic election. Anyone can run, and I will run against you if I have to.

[itsthecount]

Then you will subject yourself to the rules of nature, where the bigger animal takes the smaller animal within it’s claws and devours it.

[a beat.]

For the record, I am the bigger animal, while you are the much...smaller...thing.

[seasonthree]

Maybe we should rock-paper-scissors who runs and who's the management team?

[itsthecount]

...yes. That sounds fair.

[andbegone]

Fine. Better than whatever he was planning.

[itsthecount]

Fine.

[Olaf throws up a fist, in natural Rock Paper Scissors position. He seems determined.]

This is it, Sheldon. The game to end all games. The start of your abject humiliation at the hands of me. Your worst nightmare. Your soon. Your - wait, this is the second time you’ve proposed Rock Paper Scissors, Richard.

[seasonthree]

It's a good way to make decisions when there's an argument like this. And it's fun.

[dothebackslide]

Its a FORM OF BATTLE THAT'S BEEN WAGED THROUGHOUT ALL TIME.

[itsthecount]

Really? Not even thumb wrestli - ah, forgot it. I’ll take it.

[andbegone]

Doesn't matter to me! I'd win either way.

[itsthecount]

Whatever.

[assumes the rps position.]

[andbegone]

[he points vaguely at Dan and King Dick before assuming the same stance as Olaf.]

Make sure he doesn't cheat. My victory has to be earned.

[dothebackslide]

IF I'M NOT BRIBED, OKAY!