A Hardly Working Jungle Cat

[andbegone]

Who: Bagheera Plankton and you
What: Cleverly evading the angry mobs
Where: The park, Magic Kingdom
When: 5/11



A - Park in the Aqua District

[Seeing Bagheera(?) around the park probably isn't so surprising at this point- he's a cat, he climbs trees. That's what they're supposed to do, right? So it might be easy to dismiss his presence there today.

It might be, but it likely isn't, because he's very clearly Not In A Tree as he should be. But that isn't for lack of trying.

He backs up nearly all the way across the park, crouching down with his sights aimed at one tree in particular. A sturdy one with relatively low-hanging branches- it should be no problem. But even with a running start and a leap into using his claws to scramble up it, Bagheera(???) hardly gets three feet off the ground before falling off backwards. He doesn't even land on his feet, what kind of shitty cat is he.

He growls in frustration as soon as he's up, less hurt and more annoyed.]

How does he even get up there?

[Okay, whatever, one more time- he manages to use the running start to claw his way a whole five feet or so up the tree trunk before falling this time, at least, but then he's immediately back to pacing circles around the tree angrily.]

B - Magic Kingdom

[If you happen to pass anywhere in the general vicinity of Aloha Isle, you might notice a very conspicuous trail of dropped Dole Whips lying across the ground. Following them leads to... Bagheera(?????), lying across one of the tables and very awkwardly attempting to eat Dole Whip from a cup as best he can. Who knows how he got it and managed to carry it over there.

(He won't admit to it, but the dropped trail is absolutely from previous attempts to carry it. He's bad at being a panther, cut him some slack.)

Anyways, he looks pretty displeased that he's even stooping to try one in the first place, and more displeased with the fact that he doesn't actually... hate it that much.

Maybe it was more just the principle of having to sell the second-best thing while Krabs got to sell these. And maybe the whole Dole Whip grudge thing doesn't matter now... but that's not going to stop him from muttering crossly at it.]

Still don't see the appeal.

Comments

A

[marryapanther]

[Bagheera the Imposter may be bound to the ground, but Bagheera the panther is quite at home in the trees. Specifically, the tree Fake Bagheera is trying to climb, though he's too high up in the canopy to be easily seen. If Fake Bagheera was a real panther, he would have noticed the scent of his real counterpart. His ear twitches irritably at the thumps of the other cat falling to the ground. It's the scrabble of claws on tree bark that finally gets him to begrudgingly acknowledge the noise, though he has yet to open his eyes.] Are you quite finished with disturbing the peace? Some of us would like to sleep, you know.

[andbegone]

[Panther noses smell way too many scents, how is he supposed to know when it means the Real Bagheera is around? Either way, he doesn't want to remove his focus from his current task long enough to get into a proper argument with him, so he instead just fixes a curt glare in the direction of the voice before backing up to try again.]

No, I'm not quite finished.

[up again, down again. frustrated grunt.]

There's plenty of other trees, you know, you don't have to be in this one.

[marryapanther]

... [Bagheera opens one eye. It's not every day you hear your own voice thrown back at you. He's still only half awake, but he's conscious enough to realize something about this situation is off. Buuuut Bagheera needs his beauty sleep. He closes his eye and rolls over on the branch, huffing.] What on earth are you even trying to do? Scare all the birds out of the general vicinity?

[andbegone]

[You know honestly it's easier to claim that was his goal from the start than to admit that he's failing at his actual goal.]

...Yes. And I'm doing an excellent job of it. Because that's what cats do.

[marryapanther]

No, you utter fool. Why would you want to scare away potential prey like that? There's no point. [He's waking up a little bit more with each passing second, and slowly realizing just what's wrong with this situation. Good luck, Plankton.]

[andbegone]

[That gives him pause.]

What? You eat birds? That's disgusting.

A

[whatarenext]

[Wow this sure is a park. Mike is still in his Bumbling Around phase, so here he is...bumbling around. As he continues wandering through the park he notices a panther doing what looks like an attempt at climbing a tree?

Mike just sort of stands there, staring quietly with the same tired, zoned out expression that's always been his default.

...


After doing that for awhile, he finally calls out.]

Hello, animal control? Anybody? There's a big cat...jeezus, first the fire ants and now this...

[andbegone]

[...Who the fuck is this guy, Sheldon doesn't recognize him. Did he attend the rally? More importantly, did he vote for him?

Then again, it's not like he owes any loyalty to anyone regardless of whether they did or did not vote to him, given he's in a Foolproof Extremely Clever Disguise that no one can ever see through. Even the real Bagheera would totally fall for this, probably.]

I am animal control.

[Not entirely true but mayors can probably just pick up whatever jobs they want, right.]

And I've decided that all human animals are banned from being within 600 feet of... what kind of cat am I, a jaguar? No standing within 600 feet of jaguars.

[whatarenext]

[That's cute, assuming Mike would attend or give enough of a damn to vote.

Mike is extremely taken aback by the animal talking since well...none percent of animals have ever talked to him.

The human stumbles and covers his mouth.]

Oh my god. A talking cat?!

[Sighs.]

I guess all that alcohol is finally catching up to me. Ooooor this is one of those lifelike robots like Blade Runner.

[Continuing to talk to himself like Sheldon somehow can't hear:]

I bet if I bag this motherfucker some rich jerk will pay a lot of money for him...

[andbegone]

Yeah, a talking cat. A cat that never shuts up, actually. Which is why he's best left alone. Without people disturbing him.

[He hates doing Bagheera a favor like this but it benefits the both of them so-

But given he doesn't recognize this guy as one of the people who wanted to punch him it's. Probably fine to just flaunt his authority under these circumstances.]

Excuse me. I'm the mayor. It's against the law to bag the mayor. There's, like, sixty other stupid animals to bag instead if you want cash.

[whatarenext]

[Wait this cat's talking to him.]

You're Sheldon Trilobite? You don't even look like a brineshrimp...

Oh my god, this park voted a cat as mayor. What the hell is wrong with people...

[andbegone]

...Plankton. Sheldon Plankton, it isn't like it's hard to remember.

[Grudgingly, he drags himself away from his tree and presses a paw against a card lying in the grass nearby. In a second or so he's back to his regular appearance.]

And of course they didn't vote for a cat. They made the reasonable decision and voted for the most handsome, responsible candidate. The best option, really.

B

[beakie]

Meep?

[Beaker kneels down and picks up a sad-looking cup of Dole Whip and looks vaguely disappointed. What a waste of food. He looks towards Bagheera and tilts his head. Is he trying to...eat away his loss at the polls?]

Meemiimeep meemoo meep meemii?

[andbegone]

[he still has no idea what the fuck this guy is saying]

Yeah, sure, you can eat all of those off the ground if you want. In fact, I encourage it. I think it'd be hilarious.

[beakie]

[That's...absolutely not what he was saying, but okay.]

...Meep.

[He picks up the cups and disposes them in a nearby trash bin. As he does this, he maintains a scolding tone of voice.]

Meemii meep meemoo meep Moo Mii?

[Can panthers even eat Dole Whips?]

[andbegone]

That isn't what I said at all. I said eat them, not throw them away. What is it with you people and not being able to follow instructions?

[beakie]

[...Hm. Usually Bagheera understands what Beaker is saying. Maybe his ears have been stuffed with cotton or something.

Nevertheless, he gives the panther a deadpan stare as he continues to pick up the discarded Dole Whips.]

Meemiimeep meep meemii, meep meemoo meep meep.

[If he wants to eat them, then go ahead.]

[andbegone]

Yes, of course you can buy me another one. I also encourage that. Strongly encourage it, even. Buy me seven.

B

[hallotween]

[oh god this is gross. why can't people clean up after themselves. people don't get paid enough for this shit.

...]

... Are you... okay? [WHY IS THE COOL CAT BEING WEIRD]

[andbegone]

[he stares at her, and then at the Dole Whip, and then at the trail of previous Dole Whips, and then back to her.]

Yes? Obviously.

What, am I not allowed to eat now?

[hallotween]

[... what's... off about this... something...]

You're gonna make yourself sick, eating those. What are you even trying to do?

[andbegone]

Why would I get sick? They're disgusting, but not that disgusting.

[next you're gonna try to tell him that tigers are lactose intolerant or something. he's a tiger, right]

[hallotween]

Says the guy who wouldn't even eat a french--

[oh. oh.

she crosses her arms and glowers at him.] Okay, give it up. Who are you really? Without the magic.

[andbegone]

[It takes like half a second for his brain to process the fact that someone's actually caught onto his disguise, and much longer to figure out how to actually work around that in a convincing manner. But his mouth, of course, starts running before his brain thinks up a plan.]

Magic? Pssh. What? That's-- what magic? I'm the real Bagheera. Annoying jungle cat. Jaguar. Panther.

[nailed it]

A

[dothebackslide]

[Enter Dan, doing rad vape tricks and just watching this unfold.]

HAVING A BIG FUN, KITTY CAT?