Intro Log

[progressmods]

Who: Everyone!
What: Your first magical day
Where: Progress City Tranport Center
When: Right now
Warnings: None planned!



[Today you found a ticket to a theme park. It seems relatively normal, except that it reads: Lifetime Parkhopper Pass to Progress City. ”The Most Magical Pocket Dimension in the Multiverse!” This is not a theme park you have ever heard of, if you live in a world where theme parks are of the norm.

For some reason you’re drawn to the ticket. There’s something… magical in this piece of paper, and you can practically hear it calling out to you, and you feel compelled to pick it up. It’s strange, but it’s a piece of paper, what’s the worst that could happen?

However, the moment you pick it up, you feel yourself being pulled. There is nothing pulling you but there is an overwhelming sensation that something is pulling you by the chest into the ground. You don’t have time to process what’s going on before you suddenly fall over, the strange feeling going away the moment you hit the ground.

It takes a few moments for you to regain your bearings, but as you look up you are suddenly hit with the fact that, wherever you were before, you certainly aren’t there anymore. It appears to be a transport station of some sort, and a very sleek and new one at that. Monorails pass by the station every couple of minutes, with small, slower moving vehicles consistently move in and out of the center.

The innermost wall, right behind where you stand, is lined with portals. It appears that you came in through this portal, but if you try to go back the way you came in, you’ll find that you are unable to enter it, no matter how hard you try.

While the realization that you are now trapped in this strange place, you will soon find that you also have a strange band strapped to your dominant wrist. No matter how hard you try to take it off, it seems like it’s stuck on there.

At least you’re not alone, along with a bunch of other people who arrived around the same time you did, there are humanoid people who seemed to be intrigued by your arrival. They’re all generally nice, but get confused if you ask them why you’re here and why you can’t leave. They will, however, happily tell you the name of the place you’re in if you ask:

Progress City.]

Comments

[andbegone]

[Sheldon doesn't even really remember choosing to pick up the ticket. He must have, sure, but the fact that he wasn't really thinking about it when he did so just means that he doesn't exactly appreciate being tossed somewhere with no prior warning. Maybe if there'd been fine text attached to the ticket, or something, but there wasn't and that means that he, someone very important, has been pulled away from his equally important business to be taken to some-- some lousy amusement park.

He won't stand for this.

After a solid minute or so of tossing himself against the portal with increasing force he finally gives up and seeks other tactics, namely marching up towards one of the figures milling about watching the new arrivals and pointing a finger directly in their face.]

I want you to go to whoever's in charge of this """Progress City""" and tell them-- [hm, actually,] --well, first tell them that I should be put in charge instead. Then tell them that I demand to know what is going on!

[Yeah, that sounds good. After that he's just gonna. Sit on one of the benches, arms crossed impatiently and glowering even though his threatening clearly didn't prompt anyone to go retrieve whoever's running the place. This is fine. He's got a handle on the situation.]

[dothebackslide]

[Dan Backslide, coward bully cad and thief, kind of watches this whole nonsense with mild interest. He's really an inscrutable fellow, so it's hard to figure his stance on this.

Or he's rubbed the butt of his cigar into the shirt of the same person Sheldon was pointing at, that's also a possibility.]

That's RIGHT! Answer! Or you will be answered!

[andbegone]

Yes, exactly, what he said. Answer or you--

[...Actually. He stops and eyes Backslide, eyes narrowed. There's plenty of other useless townsfolk around to shout at, this guy is obviously just trying to out-intimidate Sheldon and he won't stand for that.]

Hey. Hey. You-- I'm clearly handling this, you go interrogate someone else. [Honestly, the nerve of some people.]

[dothebackslide]

[He raises an eyebrow, a grimace beginning to form. Who was this upstart telling Dan Backslide what to do?]

Well! And here I was hoping we could enjoy a good cop bad cop ROUTINE!

[andbegone]

[He squints at that. He's a one-man routine, always has been, and he can't believe someone would ever imply otherwise.]

See, I'm the good cop and the bad cop. You can be the... sidekick cop. The supporting cop. The background cop.

[dothebackslide]

[He dramatically relights his smushed cigar.]

Dan Backslide is not background material! He's grade-a material! THE HIGHEST CUT OF PRIME STEAK.

[computerwife]

As if I'd know anything about what's going on here. I'm just as clueless as you, dumbass.

[andbegone]

[oh good Karen's here too. great. wonderful. awesome.]

I didn't come here to be insulted, Karen. Besides, if you're as clueless as I am then that means we're both dumbasses. [checkmate]

[computerwife]

I guess so.

But I'm still less of one than you.

[andbegone]

And yet I'm not the one with the fake college degree.

[computerwife]

It's not fake!

[marryapanther]

Yes, I'm sure they'll listen to you and immediately put you in charge of operations here, after you've spent a total of 3 whole minutes in the city. [Hi Sheldon, you've got a peanut gallery consisting of one[1] whole panther sprawled out on a nearby bench, who is watching your indignant tirade with something close to glee.]

[andbegone]

[Though he scowls to himself as he turns around, Sheldon at least attempts to keep his tone cool when he addresses said peanut gallery. He went to college, he won't be talked down to like this. Much less by a naked land mammal.]

Right. And what do you know about taking over? Maybe they've been waiting for someone as skilled as me to get this place on-track.

[marryapanther]

[You're one to talk, you nudist copepod.] I know that if you wanted to take over this place, you ought to at least have the support or fear of the masses. And you have neither. You're just a sad little animal screaming for attention. [Bagheera's a little on edge from the whole "kidnapping" thing, so he's a bit ruder than usual. Still, he gets the feeling this guy probably deserves to be taken down a peg.]

[andbegone]

[don't call him out like this]

I have neither at the moment. But sooner or later I will have their respect, one way or another. Besides, you're one to talk about-- about sad little animals! [Takes one to know one and all that.]

[itsthecount]

That’s me you’re looking for. The one in charge. How can I help you out, Fair Pirate Cosplayer?

[here he is, the mayor]

[andbegone]

Pirate-- [excuse you this is his copepod cosplay] --the eyepatch isn't a costume. [It's part of the #Look. But regardless--]

You're in charge, then? [He does give the guy a second glance, though he's suspicious enough to not just. Immediately trust the authority of whoever waltzes up to him in a place like this. Mayors are supposed to immediately take control of everything and shout all the time and this guy hasn't done that.] Prove it.

[itsthecount]

You doubt the power I have over Progressive Town? Not a wise decision.

[He motions to a random janitor who’s like, minding his own business, mopping. Count Olaf shouts over to him.]

HEY! KEEP MOPPING, HENCHMAN! YOUR MAYOR COMMANDS IT! [...the janitor looks at olaf as though he has grown a second head and gets back to work.]

See?

[andbegone]

You didn't even get your own city's name right.

[Although he's almost vaguely impressed by the janitor thing just because like. No one listens to him ever, this guy is still trying so hard (too hard) that it's suspicious. He crosses his arms.]

And I don't remember voting for you.

[you know. never mind that he just got here or anything.]

[flowersonthewall]

Mimeeep? Minimee-muh meee min mee meep! Mimimi mee-muhmee minimimi!

1/3

[andbegone]

[He stares at the beeping orange tube thing for a while, firstly in an attempt to figure out what it's supposed to be and then trying to figure out what it's even saying or how he's supposed to handle a situation like this. Finally, he reaches a sound conclusion:]

2/3

[andbegone]

done

[andbegone]

Yes. My thoughts exactly. I'm so glad you agree. I'll be passing out pins during my campaign if you'd really like to support my attempts to conquer the city.

[flowersonthewall]

M-Meep? Mimimi no, mee-muh mi meep mimi-muh-me!

[andbegone]

What's that? You don't want to support my conquering attempts-- you want to support me? Well, I'm flattered, but I can't just accept random people to serve as henchmen without AT LEAST putting them through a job interview first. You did bring a resume, didn't you?