May the Current Day Be There with You

[whatarenext]

Who: Mike and YOU
What: Mike showed up here
Where: Transport Center
When: Friday
Warnings: A petty nihilistic man from Wisconsin

[Remind Mike not to go rifling in the garbage again. Oh sure, the one thing he could probably hawk on eBay and now he gets wooshed away from the biggest scam of marrying his best friend and some decrepit old guy to some Shining Time bullshit. Well, there goes That idea…

A confused, middle-aged man stands holding a ticket, sighing when he makes a half attempt at braining at what could possibly be happening…and immediately walks face-first towards the portals. Only to stumble back. He tries this a few times. A lot of times. It’s pretty embarrassing for anyone watching.]

Awww crap. Guess they’re closed for the day. Oh well, better look for some more garbage.

[Mike glances down at the item around his wrist...a strap? With the face of George Lucas decorating it? The man sighs. He takes in the wonder and joy surrounding him and thinks out loud...]

Ohhh I get it. This is like Logan’s Run or some crap.

[Mike raises his arm instantly, pestering anyone nearby the transport center.]

Excuse me? I’m over 30 so I’m ready to be lasered now. Or Maze Runnered? Some third dystopian thing?

[He immediately starts wandering around, looking incredibly out of place and lost.]

Comments

[encino]

Ye want to run a maze?

[Theres a pirate here with a #PLANKTONISAPLANKTONINDISGUISE picket sign. He looks to be doing well.]

[whatarenext]

[Oh god, a hipster college student.]

...would you like to run a maze with me, sir? Maybe when you're done protesting I don't know...eyepatch policies?

[encino]

...you be the one who suggested the maze idea!

[whatarenext]

Oh god I did? [Internal demon cackling.] Is there mazes here in such a place? In...I don't know, Westworld?

Are you a robot sir?

[ilovepuppies]

[Hopefully Mike likes pirates, because here comes another one! She's handing out pamphlets titled JERRY MANDER: IRREDEEMABLE IMPOSTER! to anyone who looks even remotely interested. Or just looks in her general direction.]

Aw, man, don't tell me they're still kidnapping people!

[whatarenext]

[Mike barely glances at the poster before glancing back at the kid. Ehhhhhhhh.]

Listen, I don't want anything to do with anime conventions.

[ilovepuppies]

Disney isn't anime!

[Says the literal magical girl with huge eyes]

[whatarenext]

Uh I think I know anime, so I'm gonna steer clear of it.

[ilovepuppies]

Look, this isn't an anime conference or whatever you called it. It's a magical pocket dimension we're all being held prisoner in!

[whatarenext]

Whaaaaaaat? Another dimension??? One with which there's no escape...or wi fi? Is there wi fi?

[Sighs.]

Great, trapped in magical whatever with anime nerds. This must be hell.

[ilovepuppies]

Yep. [She raps on the portal with the back of her hand like it's a solid wall.]

They keep saying they're gonna fix it, but they're sure taking their sweet time. So, uh, welcome to Progess City? [Hands him a pamphlet.] Don't vote for Jerry Mander!

[whatarenext]

Progress City? What part time bureaucrat from Michigan got that bright idea?

[Takes said pamphlet, looks at it, then just passively drops.]

Jerry who? I haven't voted for anybody since 2000 when I accidentally cast the ballot for Pat Buchanan.

[ilovepuppies]

[She scoops it up off the ground because dude, those printing costs weren't cheap!]

The guy who runs this place is a complete NERD and that's why we're voting him out. But Jerry is way worse. I think he might be an actual supervillain!

Just. Don't vote for him. Or Mayor Rod because his name choices suck.

[whatarenext]

Welcome to politics, where your choices are a nerd and a supervillain.

Can I just sleep during the election?

...Rod? His name is Rod? What is he a contractor at birth?

[ilovepuppies]

There's more choices, though! And they aren't terrible.

And Rod is a robot clone of a tv show host. Sort of. It's complicated.

[whatarenext]

Are all of them with made up names? What is this, a comic book?

Oh a robot. [Greaaaat. Now he has to worry about an uprising.] Can't you just...reboot him? Or run him on a mac?

[ilovepuppies]

...It'd be really cool if it was 'cause then I'd have superpowers.

[Instead of being stuck with these lousy trading cards.]

He didn't shut down so much as he just kinda fell apart. Like legs falling off and stuff, it was kinda hardcore.

[whatarenext]

Oh thank god.

[He doesn't have to worry about turbo charged weebs.]

Wow, his creator must have been real lazy. And crappy at his job. Kind of like me at basic jobs.

[hallotween]

[politics is way more boring and way less bloody than dylan's nerdy jokes had always led her to believe so now her hobby is just watching new people fall out of the portals and judging them. at least this guy didn't look actively weird.]

They only go one way. [like she didn't spend full hours throwing herself against them on day one.]

[whatarenext]

[No, Mike is only passively and depressingly weird.

He just...lies against the portal, defeated.]

Who designed this, Willy Wonka? Where's the tour? Where's my prize money?

[hallotween]

You actually missed the part with the ironic deaths and singing. So, I guess your prize is probably not being murdered? [she sounds hopeful but it's still only a probably]

[whatarenext]

[Siiiiighs.]

Of course, I miss the good stuff. I guess I'll just have to wait till they open again or the next reapening. Whatever comes first.

[hallotween]

Death, definitely. [shrugs] We're doing some political stuff right now! If that doesn't lead to deaths, nothing will.

[whatarenext]

Oh great, now I gotta Not Vote after just Not Voting.

[hallotween]

[!!!]

You gotta vote! There's, like, actual real-life bad guys trying to take over the whole city! [says the bitch literally still wearing ursula's necklace] If one of them wins, we're all fucked!

[whatarenext]

Welcome to the fucking real world, sister. We're all fucked anyway.

[Preaching to the wrong guy here.]

[hallotween]

[. . .



kicks at shin.]

[whatarenext]

[....just. Pathetically topples over.]

Owwww.

[hallotween]

[leans over]

So. Do we have your vote?

[whatarenext]

Weeeeeell...can I mull it over the next few days? Or week?

[hallotween]

It's tomorrow.

[whatarenext]

So is that a yes...?

[hallotween]

[kicks at again]

[whatarenext]

Damnit--

[All that pain yet he refuses to move.]

You're impeaching my right to not give a shit. So really, who's the REAL person taking over the city?

Makes you think...

[hallotween]

I'm not shadow mayor yet. [oh but she will be] Oh, you should probably get up before the fire ants notice you're there.

[whatarenext]

Don't want to split hairs buuuuuut, any mayor could shadow you since you're a kid...

Oh god, what a horrible probably made up Lucas-ian twist.

[hallotween]

No, I'm serious, there's just a lot of fire ants here. Like, a disproportionate amount.

[whatarenext]

[Mike gets up with...0.5 speed than his regular slowness.]

Oh god, doesn't pest control exist in this park? What is this, Six Flags?

[hallotween]

It's Progress City. [beat] You know, the more I say it, the dumber it sounds.

[whatarenext]

For a city that calls itself Progress, there sure is...not a lot of progression.

[Wind whistling in his head.]