Plank4Prez

[andbegone]

Who: Plankton, Richard, and whoever attends
What: Election Rally
Where: Transport Center
When: 4/23
Warnings: plankton constitutes a warning just by existing


[So it's very possible that, following the whole fiasco yesterday, you started noticing signs tacked up around Vista Way. And replacing the maps in every information booth in the parks. And slipped under your doorway. And just littered around the ground.

Point is, they're everywhere, and while whoever made them clearly lacks any sort of artistic ability, the point still comes across pretty clearly:

ELECTION RALLY: COME SUPPORT YOUR NEW FUTURE MAYOR!!!!!!!!!!!

4/23 IN THE TRANSPORT CENTER
WE WON'T EVEN MAKE YOU PAY FOR THE PINS OR ANYTHING

#PLANKTON OR PERISH

Even if you managed to ignore all the posters and just happened to pass through the Transport Center by sheer chance, it's going to be very difficult to ignore... whatever's going on in the center of the area.

Plankton's dragged crates away from who-knows-where to make some sort of stand, because he doesn't have the time to put together any actual materials, he has to get started on this campaign thing pronto. He doesn't have a real megaphone, either, but he's got a rolled up poster he's shouting into from where he's standing atop like three crates stacked on top of one another. Regardless of if there's a crowd of people around him by the time you show up or if it's just Richard, his campaign manager and virtually sole supporter, either way he acts as though he's got the undivided attention of the whole city.]

People, people, please. I know you have endless questions about my spectacular new policy ideas, but I can only handle so many questions at a time. Believe me, I greatly value your opinion and want to hear each and every word from all of you.

[He doesn't sound sincere in the slightest, but he's got the ham part of the whole thing down perfectly.]

Comments

[dothebackslide]

[In the middle of one of Plankton’s speeches, there’s a strange sound in the distance. A… horn of some kind.

...Are those trumpets?]

[andbegone]

[just kill him now]

[dothebackslide]

[I mean, it doesn't sound like a funeral march as the trumpets get louder and closer. In fact, the tune is becoming more clear as it approaches.]

[yourghosthost]

[Ghostave checks the schedule on his clipboard.]

The gay pride parade wasn’t scheduled to begin for a few months.

[dothebackslide]

[And then, like a tank over the horizon, it appears. A large monstrocity driving down the street. There’s a green man in carnival barker outfit standing on the edge of a large parade float, driving down the street towards the Transport Center. It towers over the crowd but there’s a giant curtain covering most of it. One thing is discernible at least: a shadow of a figure and a podium behind the curtain.

The green Carnival Barker twirls his cane around, waggling his eyebrows smugly as swings his gaze around the crowd.]

MAKE WAY!
FOR THE JERRY!
SAY HEY!
TO THE JERRY!

[The “Barker” leaps down from his position on the float, skipping among the people with wild energy.]
HEY! Clear the way, in the old town hall!
HEY YOU! Let us through!
He’s heard the call- oh!
Come, be the first in the park to meet his eyyyyeeeee!

Make way! Here he comes!
Ring bells! Bang the drums!
Are you gonna love this guy!

[The curtains fall to the ground to reveal the entirety of the parade float, a huge spectacle of red, white, and blue.The float seems to have been some kind of… dog thing? Its been painted painted over in the image of a new person, this mysterious figure, this enigmatic man of wonder, standing in the center of it all.]

[itsthecount]

[Whoever this man is? He’s certainly unfamiliar to you. He’s dressed rather conservatively, in a dark suit with a lapel covered in American a flag pins. A pair of dark dress shoes obscure his American Flag pattern socks, and he has two extremely thick made-up eyebrows. His hairline is receding, a prominent ski nose, sagging jowls, and a slightly protruding jaw. As he’s unveiled, his hands are thrown into two peace signs.

He’s not a crook.]

[dothebackslide]

WOW! [The Barker falls off the float in pure astonishment at the sheer handsomeness of this Not Crook. But he bounces back up within a second, gesturing dramatically to the greatest politician ever.]

Its Jerry! Fabulous he!
Ol’ Jerry Mander!
Just reflect, who YOU should elect!
Into that office...yyyyy?

[Her grimaces briefly at the lame rhyme before recovering, swinging his cane around.]
Now try your best to stay cool
Wipe away your fear and your drool!
Then come and meet this just exceptional toooooooooooooooooool!

[As he holds the note, the Barker pulls out a baby doll wearing a “Go Mander” shirt and throws it at Jerry on the float.]

[itsthecount]

[Jerry is gonna kiss the hell outta that baby. His jowls violently shake as he does so. It gets hurtled to the side shortly thereafter.]

[keyofimagination]

[Rod is here, in a much better state now, even if he's still missing an arm and he's using a crutch to stabilize himself. He decided to sneak out of Bill's lab today both for some fresh air and to see how this election is going so far.

And this sight sure is something...]

... This city is doomed, isn't it?

[dothebackslide]

Oh Jerry!
Kisses babies!
See Jerry Mander!
Ready to fight, for all your rights, definitely!

[Suddenly he’s next to Saber in the crowd, covering her in pamphlets.] He’s passed good legislation!
[Now pressing his finger into Star’s head.] Loves every single dalmation!
[And now with Plankton and Richard, wrapping his arms around them, squeezing them far too tight.] He won’t do no capitulation-
Why, its Jerry!

He’s got seventy-five thousand staffers!
Constituents: He’ll help at least three!
When it comes to providing for civiliaaaaans
Has he got a clue?
I’m telling you, he cares about you and me!

[The barker swiftly puts on two showgirl puppets on his hands, back on the parade float. He has them fawning over Jerry Mander in absolute awe.]

This Jerry, handsome is he, Our Jerry Mander (There’s no question this Jerry’s alluring!)
That physique! Slimy and weak! (Kinda ordinary, but never boring! Everything about the man)
He’s so enticiiiinnng! (Just plain entrances.)
Well, get out there to the booth (He’s a winner, he’s a whiz, a wonder!)
Think about the guy who plays loose (He’s about to pull my heart asunder!)
And vote with your heart and soul for Ol Jerry! (And I absolutely love the way he dances!)

[dothebackslide]

[How was he talking all those voices at the same- oh, he’s already out in the crowd again.]

He won’t put up with business of monkeys! (I heard ‘bout monkey! Let’s see the monkeys!)
He’s all human, no glitches to see! (No techie bugs! No tech at all!)
He’s pro-henchman and princess and mammal! (Loves to help you all!)
You’ll bow to his whim, love serving him- uh
I mean he’ll work for you all! Its Jerry! Mander, Jerrrrrrrrrrrrry!

[The Barker reaches into the floor of the float and pulls out a dozen more puppets, quickly formly a kickline attached to his legs. And the Barket is making sure he shows off his own green legs, without question.]

OL JERRY! [Kick!] Future Prez He! [Kick!] That’s Jerry Mander!

[Suddenly on the ground again, pressing his face to Rod’s:] Heard your first guy was a mess, a disaster OG!

[He trots back towards the float, throwing out his hands in celebration as it approaches the Center.]

And that good people is why! He decided to help you and I!
For murder survivors and robots galore
For muppets and duckers
And bookworms and more
For all those animes, space boys, and furries
And don’t forget folk of the sea!

MAKE WAAAAAAAY! FOR MANDER, DOT, JERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

[Fireworks go off everywhere, setting the inflated float version Jerry on fire, a flaming carcass that falls to the ground behind the two strangers and the trumpets quickly descend into wild, disorganized chaos. The float catches the Barker’s jacket and he tumbles to the ground, stuck to the wheel. Before he has time to wonder if its too late to switch to a Roger Rabbit reference, the parade drives over him. It smacks into the front of the Transport Center, finally forced to reach a stop with his introductory act trapped underneath the wheels and gears while what remains of Patriotic Goofy burns to a crisp on the back of the float.]

[ilovepuppies]

[kindaruledatit]

[Wendy pulls out her phone and takes a snapshot of the disaster.]

Neat.

[hallotween]

... That's that Olaf guy, right? [is this what drugs are like are they on drugs]

[andbegone]

[he's over here just to scoff at the very suggestion, once he's doing fuming over how impressive the whole display was.]

Don't be ridiculous. This devilishly handsome, wildly compelling man looks nothing like Count Olaf.

[ilovepuppies]

That's totally Olaf, man. Are you blind or something?

[keyofimagination]

[Well he is offically uncomfortable and hopes dearly that Dan won't ever get that close to him ever again.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, he finally speaks.]

Mr. Mander, I feel like you should focus on your policies instead of how showy you can be.

[not_over_yet]

[ Fun fact: the security here are not experienced mousers. ...Oh right, whoever's currently filling in for you might be getting a mouse-related report soon-ish. They should ignore that. ]

Perhaps arson is one of his policies?

[keyofimagination]

[He frowns at that.]

... The frightening thing is that I don't think I can put it past him, from what I've seen.

[All two minutes of it.]

[marryapanther]

And here I thought there'd be no one who could be a worse choice as Mayor than Plankton. [Even if the disguises were better, Bagheera can tell recognize both Dan and Olaf by scent. He's not impressed.]

[andbegone]

[you know what. at least that means he's still ahead of this guy in Bagheera's view.]

Thank you! Have a pin.

[it's fine he'll just toss a pin over at the cat with no hands to catch it with]

[marryapanther]

[Bagheera hisses and flinches back, his teeth bared. Maybe don't provoke the wild panther with a clear and warranted mistrust for humans by throwing shit at him, Sheldon.] That wasn't a compliment in the slightest. I have no intentions of supporting you, even if I wasn't in the running myself.

[standingonmyneck]

This is politics, alright.

[We’re doomed. She hated everyone.]

[itsthecount]

If Iiiiii am elected mayor, this young woman whom I have never met before, will have her head removed and filled with salted nuts!

[standingonmyneck]

[Yikes dude, she’s shivering in her black boots.]

Be sure to eat those nuts, your bloodstream could use six times the daily amount of sodium.