Panther in a China Shop

[marryapanther]

Who: Bagheera and whoever else joins him
What: window shopping, actual shopping, crime stopping
Where: pretty much any gift shop or knicknack store available in the city
When: mid to late June
Warnings: None!


[For the most part, Bagheera has stayed out of the way of the other citizens of Progress City. Old habits die hard, and humans that aren't his Mowgli are hard to trust.

But recently, an idea has come to mind. He has plenty of money- since he doesn't even use Vista Way's housing, and mostly just eats some of the meat available for the lions and other predators at Animal Kingdom, he barely spends it.

So for now, he prowls the shops, especially the Mall of the Future. Mostly he just gazes through the windows curiously, sometimes rearing up on his hind legs and putting his paws against the glass to get a better look.]

Hm... No, no, that's not good enough.

[If you're lucky enough, you might come across him in the middle of the aisles in one of the gift shops for Animal Kingdom, scowling at some of the toy animals.]

No, no, that's not right- the eyes are mismatched, did they even care about the finished product when they painted this? And this antelope is so top-heavy, they didn't even bother to place his weight properly on his hooves. And pythons do not have fangs, who did this?

[... And if you're particularly unlucky, you might stumble upon him while in the middle of stealing from the same shop.]

Comments

[marryapanther]

... Are you intentionally trying to irritate me, or are you actually this dense?

[midnightcowboy]

[He shrugs, but the smirk probably makes it obvious what the answer is regardless.]

If you’re gettin’ irritated that ain’t no fault of mine.

[marryapanther]

[Alright, enough of this. Bagheera reaches forward and very gently nips the back of Jedidiah's shirt. He holds his prize as tenderly as possible, not wanting to risk nipping Jed with his sharp fangs. When he speaks again, it's through gritted teeth.] You are to be detained for attempted burglary.

[midnightcowboy]

HEY! [Well now he has two losses to mourn: a perfectly good bobby pin and his dignity.] Give a man some warning next time!

[Indignant outrage aside, he's at least got the common sense to not try and break loose given that getting stabbed by panther fangs doesn't seem like a paricularly great way to go out. And all things considered, breaking into a cash register is probably a crime in and of itself. So he guesses the arrest is mostly warranted.

But he won't concede that point aloud. Not when he fully intends to call the security here out.]

And just how in the hell do you think you're gonna detain me? You ain't got a jail here, I already found that out!

[marryapanther]

I see no use in warning a common criminal that he is to be picked up and arrested, while he's in the middle of attempted theft.

[... To be honest, even if there was a jail set up in Progress City, Bagheera would have no idea of how to go through that whole process. Most criminals he's dealt with so far he's let off with a warning.

Whatever, he'll figure something out.]

You'll see.

[midnightcowboy]

Common criminal? Don't you have any idea how many jailbreaks I've lead? [That, at least, is sort of true.] Back where I come from, I'm downright notorious! [Slightly less true, but not an outright lie.]

Besides, you ain't got nowhere to take me. [He crosses his arms, which is a bit uncomfortable when he's being held by his vest (not to mention meaningless).] I think you're bluffing.

[marryapanther]

You're not helping your case.

And yes, antagonize the panther who's holding you in his mouth. That's a brilliant idea.

[midnightcowboy]

[That... is fair. But.]

Alright now, listen, I've still got rights! There's gotta be laws here, and I'd bet a whole lotta money that one of 'em says you've got to tell me where you're taking me.

[He doesn't even remotely know if that's a real law, but he can sure act like he's certain about it.]

[marryapanther]

I do not. Now, stop talking, you're only digging yourself a deeper hole.

[midnightcowboy]

Talking ain't a goddamn crime.

[But he at least stops shouting after that, instead focusing on carefully trying to worm one of his arms out of his vest. It's a better solution than complaining, even if he's not entirely sure how good of an idea dropping to the ground is.]

[marryapanther]

[Luckily, Jedidiah is currently in one of Bagheera's blind spots, so he can wriggle all he wants without Bagheera really noticing that he's starting to slip free of his vest.]

[midnightcowboy]

[Oh good, because as soon as he's sure his efforts are going unnoticed he's just gonna go all-out, yanking his one arm free of the vest (though not without some difficulty) and then grabbing onto it so his other arm doesn't slip out entirely until he's ready.

He hesitates for a second or two, if only because it's a damn good vest and he's literally never going to be able to get a replacement if he actually manages to abandon this one, but ultimately decides that it's worth it to see if he can pull this off. Sliding his other arm out of the vest, he drops to the ground, rolling out of the fall with a less-than-graceful landing.

And then immediately booking it in the opposite direction of Bagheera. Him free.]

[marryapanther]

[The instant Bagheera feels the tiny weight in his mouth suddenly become... Much lighter, he snarls deep in the back of his throat. His ears twitch in the direction of very light footsteps, and he spits the vest onto the ground, turning to watch the cowboy run.

... And then Bagheera takes two big, deliberate steps and catches up with Jedidiah immediately, planting one paw in Jed's path and grinning down at him.]

Going somewhere?

[He's playing cat-and-mouse, now, and not immediately picking Jed back up. Jed still has a chance to get away if he plays his cards right.]

[midnightcowboy]

[Jed, who's generally smart enough to watch where he's running, still only just barely manages to skid to a halt to avoid crashing right into Bagheera's paw.]

Dammit.

[He's far too irritated to even humor the question, and he has half a mind to just shoot the damn panther-- he's got a working gun now, after all-- but the place is sure to have more security and, jail or no jail, he figures he's gonna be in for a whole lot more trouble if he actually follows through with that line of thinking.

So instead he just throws any sort of plan off the table and goes for the lasso card. It's the only one he's really confident in using currently anyway, given the whole laser gun thing is still unfamiliar, and he takes a few steps backwards to better aim the rope for Bagheera's front paws. Not that rope can really slow down a panther for all that long, but more time to get away is enough for him.]

[marryapanther]

I'm afraid that "evading arrest" is another criminal charge against yyyyyygHHH

[That noise was the sound of a panther feeling his paws get pulled out from under him. It knocks him entirely off balance, and Bagheera gracelessly slams right into the floor on his side.

Jed should probably book it while Bagheera's still getting his bearings back.]

[midnightcowboy]

[He was off running before he even looked to see how successful his attempt was, though he does glance over his shoulder at the sound of Bagheera falling to the ground. He figures he's got the time to brag about it a little because he's just that kind of smug bastard, so he turns around more fully to grin at him, taking off his hat and waving it with a whoop of success.]

Adios, Laredo! Nice try!

[marryapanther]

[Bagheera growls, tearing the lasso off with his teeth with ease. It only takes him a few seconds to get to his feet again- maybe Jed shouldn't have taunted so early.

Bagheera's getting ready to pounce.]

[midnightcowboy]

[While he wasn't exactly planning on the lasso keeping him down for long, he definitely doesn't expect Bagheera to be back up on his feet so early. That and he's a little too focused on gaining some distance to even bother glancing back. Bagheera's 100% in the clear to just tackle the dumbass.]

[marryapanther]

[Bagheera focuses, muscles tense, watching the little man run. His tail twitches. His first leap lands him immediately in front of Jed- he'd miscalculated how fast Jedidiah was able to run, and his paws land just short of squashing Jedidiah. Bagheera's shoulder gets knicked by one of the nearby aisles, and he freezes for a moment, staring at it, worried that it's going to topple over. Luckily, it doesn't, and he turns his attention back to Jedidiah, who's probably gained a little distance by this point. Bagheera's second leap lands him practically on top of Jedidiah, paws on either side again. This time he wastes no time to pick up Jed again, hooking one claw on the back of his shirt.] Alright. You're coming with me, and no more being a nuisance. Understand?

[midnightcowboy]

[Jed has a very brief moment to reflect that, if he ever decides to recount this tale to anyone later, he'll have to leave out any mention of the incredibly undignified yelp that results when Bagheera almost lands right on top of him.

He's quick to scramble out of the way, though, far too used to having to move quickly to avoid ending up underfoot to allow the roadblock to stop him for long. He weaves out of the way of Bagheera's paws as the panther freezes for a quick moment, picking up speed again. He isn't sure how long the cat plans on holding still for this time around, but--

--but it's not long enough, clearly, because within the next couple seconds he's hoisted back up into the air where he can't do much more than scowl. He gives himself a while to petulantly seethe over the situation before responding.]

...Fine. But gimme my damn vest back.

[marryapanther]

Of course. Wouldn't want that to get swept up with the rest of the garbage at the end of the day.

[He hobbles over to the vest on three legs- the remaining paw still holding Jedidiah up. Bagheera picks up the vest in one paw and hands it to Jedidiah. Once he's sure Jed has it in hand, he nips the back of Jedidiah's shirt, not even giving him enough time to put the vest on.

Off they go!]

[midnightcowboy]

I'll show you garbage.

[But the muttered comment's as much of a fight as he puts up-- well, that and snatching the vest back with far more aggressive force than is necessary once it's offered to him, bunching it up in his hands as though throttling the fabric will serve as a substitute for brawling with the panther.

After that he just hangs there, disgruntled and cross, almost certainly moping over both the defeat and the fact that he's going to have to put up with whatever makeshift jail they've got going on here.]