progresscity | friendly faces everywhere

Entry tags:

friendly faces everywhere

Who: Kenny AND YOU!!
What: Kenny arrives in Progress City and has himself a time.
Where: Magic Kingdom/Main Street USA, Orange Distract/Ice Cream Speakeasy
When: Right now!
Warnings: Poopy mouths, gross stuff.

a. main street usa (mysterion)

[This is the main problem with being friends with a kid with a magic butt: you can't stick by them when they let it rip for fear of Shenanigans happening. The whole time-traveling thing is a fairly recent development, but Mysterion thought all of that was behind them, and he's pretty sure cross-country teleportation isn't something ButtLord's ass is capable of...as far as he knows.

But if it is, Mysterion's not complaining. In fact, the look on the little masked kid's face as he stands in the middle of Main Street taking in all the bright sights and wonderful smells is anything but upset. It may be especially jarring when contrasted with the costume he's wearing — hooded, dark, suitably mysterious even in the middle of the sunny afternoon (he hopes) — coupled with the way his attention from store to store, a kid with his pick of literal candy shops.

When one in particular catches his attention with a candy making demonstration that looks like it's going on inside, Mysterion runs over and presses his face up to the glass window, watching with rapt attention.]

Woah... [His tone is hushed and awed.] I, I mean—

[He catches himself quickly, clears his throat, then in the most gruff, serious, Batman-post-throat-surgery voice ever:]

Woah.

b. ice cream speakeasy (kenny)

[So after he's had time to get settled in and stash his costume away, Kenny takes to the streets proper with only one thing in mind: chowing down. There's a whole lot of places to explore and a ton of awesome things to do, and maybe an ass to kick for kidnapping him somewhere down the line (even if this was the best possible place to be kidnapped thank you Jesus thank you), but food takes precedence over everything.

Unfortunately, he doesn't have any money. At all. Fortunately, this has never stopped him before.

Kenny concentrates most of his efforts on the street in front of the ice cream shop in the Orange District, looking for change in the usual ways: in cracks on the street, under chairs and tables, in front of the store itself. He even pokes his head in a garbage can. Needless to say, this is a work in progress.

Eventually, he starts getting frustrated. And when Kenny gets frustrated and someone who looks like they might be cool happens to come by, he throws all his cards on the table and brings the big guns out.]

Hey. [Says the adorable kid holding some mysterious object he found from the treasure chest (trash can) in front of the store.] Wanna see me eat this?

[It's a half-eaten corndog in a Dole Whip cup. CornDole Whip.]

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Toy? [Was he technically made in a toy factory? Well, yes. But there's a difference between being a museum exhibit and being a toy. Hell if he knows what that difference is, but he's certain there is one and that's what matters.] I ain't no toy!

[Given the kid's arms are still folded on the windowsill, he kicks at them with as much force as he can muster. It's about as effective as one might expect from a plastic figurine, but that sure doesn't seem to deter him.

Not even remotely, actually, given he just keeps going once he's gotten started.]

I'm Jedediah [kick] Smith! [kick] Explorer of the west! Discovered the South Pass! [kick] You have no idea who you're talkin' to, boy!

[He actually doesn't. At all. This must have been something he missed all the times he did anything but listen during history class.]

Obviously. [He frowns as he watches the little guy go at it. It's actually pretty funny, and you can see with the way his mouth keeps twitching that he's stubbornly trying not to smile.] —Okay, okay. My mistake. Calm down.

[And here he gently reaches out with one gloved pinky finger to block Jed's next kick. Bless.]

I've just never seen...someone like you before. And I bet you feel the same way about me, so I guess that makes us even.

I am calm!

[Or at least realizing, not for the first time, that fighting is the most useless way to get anything done in his case. It doesn't even really serve to alleviate irritation anymore, given how useless of an endeavor it is. He's only just barely listening enough to catch the last part at all.]

Never seen-- what, you think I've never seen a kid in a costume before?

[He isn't even sure that's what the kid meant, but either way he scoffs, frankly offended at even entertaining the thought that anything might surprise him anymore.]

'Course I've seen folks like you. I know what Halloween is, I ain't that dense.

[You'd think after all the variations he's gotten of this insult he'd be used to it. A l a s.]

Cute. [Goddamn, dude, you're a little dick.] I meant that you must not have ever seen a real superhero. Looks like I was right.

[Okay, yeah, that is a new one. He highly doubts it's true, but it's one of the few claims he hasn't heard before. Magic is the sort of thing he only ever sees in ancient cursed objects and the fancy cards they've got around here-- it's complicated and weird and secret. It's not people flying around in elaborate costumes shooting lasers from their eyes.

He levels the kid a pointed look, immediately challenging the claim in as deadpan a tone as he can manage.]

A real superhero. I guess you've got fancy powers, then.

Yes. [It's not hard to sound emotionless when you're already straining your throat trying to pull off a raspy voice. There's a sort of hope that if he's flat and blunt enough with his answers it'll satisfy the guy's curiosity enough to get him to can it with the dumb questions, but honestly — when has that ever worked, and when do you ever expect somewhat decent treatment when you wear your underwear outside of your costume.] Is it really that hard to believe?

Kinda. There's plenty'a powerful magic out there, but it don't much care for being wrangled by people. Far as I've seen, anyway.

[Although, he figures, all the magic he has seen came from Ahk's family. And as much as he wants to, he can't really claim to understand all of it. Hell, he has no idea if anyone else out there has any sort of familiarity with other types of power like that, much less what it could do.

He squints at the kid for a while longer before shrugging in something akin to conceded defeat. He could spend all day arguing over it, but it's not like he has any way of really knowing he's right, and either way the kid seems set on it.]

But I'm no expert in any of it. First time for everything-- if you say you've got a handle on it then I sure can't prove ya wrong.

[Tell him about it. But that really sets up a good counterpoint.]

Magic's not picky on who it chooses either. Just because I have it doesn't mean I want it. Or like it.

[It's one thing to be honest and another thing to brag, and even if this was under better circumstances, he couldn't find it in himself to do much in the way of posturing. There's nothing cool about getting into a supernatural dick measuring contest with a dude who's only a few inches tall. Or fun. Well, it would be funny, but— Look, he's got an image to maintain, all right?]

Eldritch forces are kinda dicks like that. [It comes almost idly, that afterthought, as he pokes out again at Jed with his fingers, pointing his index finger and thumb out in a gun shape that he angles down at the other, offering it instead of a proper handshake.] Call me Mysterion.

Yeah, well, I reckon it's a handful to deal with.

[He's not actually sure if heroes do that whole 'great responsibility' thing, but he figures either way magic isn't something you can just leave alone. It kinda happens when it wants to.]

And we're in agreement on that one, believe you me. [He only vaguely knows of the force responsible for his existence and he hates him regardless.] I ever meet Khonsu or whatever the hell his name is, I'm decking him.

[Out of habit (and sheer unfamiliarity with properly greeting normal-sized humans), he disregards whatever Mysterion's going for and defaults to the greeting Nick uses around them, bumping his fist against the kid's finger. He'd already given out his name, albeit rather aggressively, so he offers an alternative instead.]

Jed. Less syllables to keep track of.

[Mysterion blinks down at him and, again, there's that twitch on his lips; barely there but not invisible. Well played, little dude.]

Not so serious sounding either, especially for someone who's supposed to be famous. Fine by me.

[And then his expression evens out again and grows grave.]

Who's Khonsu? Did he do this to you? Is it a curse? [Because that would make a whole lotta sense, and now he's starting to feel really bad for his earlier comment. For all he knows, maybe Jed really is an actual, for real cowboy who was shrunk down to this size and imprisoned in a museum with a whole bunch of other people like him. Like there are bad situations, and then there are bad situations, and that would definitely qualify as the latter.]

[He shrugs.] Hard to keep a stick up your ass for two hundred years. [Unless you're Roman, those guys never change.]

Yeah, it's a curse. Dunno much about the guy, just that it's his magic. [Supposedly. That's about as much as he knows his whole matter of existence, which is not only unsatisfying but also infuriating.] Little too late to make him take it back now, I guess, but most of us didn't really want to come to life lookin' like this to begin with, y'know?

[Like a plastic knockoff of a real person, saddled with two sets of memories and the knowledge that you're not exactly supposed to exist like that. Or at all. At this point he doesn't really want to go back to being not alive, after all, they're fairly used to it. That doesn't mean he's a huge fan of it all, though.]

Just annoying, bringin' folks to life without their permission. I mean, if he'd asked me I at least would've wanted to be a couple feet taller. And maybe have brown hair.

[Tch. He tchs at you, sir.]

Nah, chicks dig blondes. And you're a cowboy, too, so you've got that going for you. I guess like a lot of things in the end, it all comes down to size.

[...Okay, to be fair, he's not even trying to go for any innuendos. There is a very important point to be made here.

But! Back to business. No more dicking around. Especially when there are matters of — if he's hearing this correctly — life and death at stake, notably those of the magically induced variety.]

...Hrm. Do you want any help kicking his ass? It's not fair that you're stuck working a nine-to-five as this douche's toy. Don't know if he's behind whatever this is, but even if he's not, he should still pay for what he's done.

Edited 2018-06-27 03:01 (UTC)

[That gets a wry grin.] You've got a damn good point, there.

[...Or it would be a good point if the only person his size here wasn't a literal talking mouse but. It'll be a good point if Jed ever goes back home. He'll just. Remember it for later. And speaking of back home, he waves a hand at the prospect rather dismissively, though it isn't for lack of appreciation.]

Hell, thanks for the offer, desperado. But supposedly he's a god, so... not sure how well that'd go over.

[He's not that confident in anyone's fighting skills and also he doesn't know any... summoning rituals? Or if that's even how it works. And the magic's tricky enough as-is, he doesn't want to accidentally mess something up by beating the guy behind the magic up. Even if it's tempting to consider.]

It don't much matter here, anyhow. This place isn't half as bad as back home. Lot more freedom, that's for damn sure.

[Oh, of course it's an evil god. What a surprise!!]

Being a god doesn't mean a whole lot anymore, I'm noticing. One time, my friends and I got one to puke itself to death. All I'm saying is they're squishier than they look.

[And that's not even getting into what happened to Cthulhu. Defeated by the power of breakfast and Henrietta's brother. There can't be a more embarrassing way to go out; even the aforementioned puke fest he witnessed a few days ago seems more dignified.]

And I guess I agree with you here. On one hand, I can just tell that it's candy-coated heart of darkness waiting to show its true colors in the worst way possible. On the other hand, it's...Disney World. So, no real difference and a whole lotta overlap.

[So basically, he'll roll with it as long as he can.]

[Jed makes a face, less at the thought of a god dying and more at the thought of someone puking themselves to death. He's momentarily grateful he's made of plastic, actually.]

Didn't even know gods could die. I mean, a friend'a mine beat up a demigod with a flashlight once, but... nothin' like that.

[He wavers between wanting to ask how and absolutely not wanting to hear more about it. It's... the interesting sort of gross, he guesses, but also still gross. In the end he seems to decide that he can ask for details if he ever actually finds himself in need of fighting a god. It's not out of the question, he figures.]

In any case, if it's true colors you're worried about you don't gotta look too hard. City already went through a gremlin attack and all, so I guess it ain't tryin' too hard to hide the fact that it's got some problems.

[If that makes Jed sick, it's a good thing Mysterion's not talking about how they made it puke. All that blood and guts and bones...]

Don't sell the other guy short. Sounds to me like he's proof that you can do anything and fist any outer god's butthole as long as you put your mind to it.

[This dude definitely seems to have...interesting friends by the sound of it. Maybe that's something they have in common. Come to think of it, how would his friends deal with this? Maybe it's a good thing they aren't here. God, if those first comments were enough to get under Jed's skin hardcore, who knows how he'd deal with someone like Craig. Or god forbid Cartman.]

That's putting it— Wait. Gremlins? Like, don't-feed-them-at-midnight gremlins? [He's back to gawking.]

You oughta go into writin' those motivational posters.

[The ones he's seen around the offices a couple times. ...Although he's not sure how he feels about the first part there (and he's very certain Larry wouldn't care for being cited as proof of that), he thinks he gets the gist of the message.]

I mean... I dunno anything about feeding 'em, I was just going off'a the name everybody else used. Freaky little green things with one eye, went around making a real mess of the place. Think the mayor had something to do with it.

[That happened on. His first day in the city. So he feels like that's a valid enough excuse to not have the full details on the situation.]

The mayor, huh?

[Looks like he has his first lead. Awesome.]

Do you know where I can find him now?

[He can't promise it'll lead to anything but a whole lot of pain, preferably for the mayor in question if he turns out to be a totalitarian bag of dicks, so... Best not to elaborate further.]

Edited 2018-06-27 05:49 (UTC)

Well. Ex-mayor. Think he got fired 'cause Mister Monochrome said he was takin' over again a few days later.

[He doesn't even know for certain what the ex-mayor looks like, he's just heard the complaints.]

Not really sure where he's at, but Beaker seemed to be pretty damn familiar with the guy. Guess you could ask him.

Well then I'd have to figure out who Beaker is and how to find him, but. It's a start.

[From the sound of things, there isn't any shortage of unsavory people here. Sounds good to him, honestly. The people here don't look like they're in any real pain, but interdimensional kidnapping is probably ten times the crime normal kidnapping is, not to mention letting a bunch of monsters loose would add, what, another twenty points to whatever tally they're keeping here. At least this gives him something to do when riding Splash Mountain for the 50th time starts getting boring.

Finally, he starts climbing to his feet, stretching. Holding that sort of position is tougher than it looks.]

Thanks for the help, cowboy. My offer still stands. Even if we don't find your god, we can still make sure whoever did this regrets ever messing with us. I can try my best, but I can't do everything on my own.

Works in a lab and looks just like a carrot stick. Can't miss him.

[He's pretty sure the ex-mayor is just one part of the problem, and he has no idea who was accountable for everything before and after that incident, but he can respect someone going after answers and accountability. Never mind the fact that they're in a place with literally no justice system. Jed gives him an informal salute as he stands back up to his full height.]

Place may be a mess, but there's good folks here who'll have your back. You got this, desperado.

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